


to awaken from slumber

by skyblxssom



Category: Tales of Vesperia
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Nightmares, Tales of Vesperia Spoilers, someone gives this poor old man a hug, there's some slightly gory descriptions so be warned, yuri is trying his best and we love him for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:28:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24929947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyblxssom/pseuds/skyblxssom
Summary: Raven's no stranger to nightmares but tonight was one of those nights where they were harder to shake off.  Yuri tries his best to help.
Relationships: Yuri Lowell & Raven
Comments: 1
Kudos: 35





	to awaken from slumber

**Author's Note:**

> There's just something about Raven that makes it fun to write moments like this one. I'm still writing for this fandom without having played the game yet but thanks to the lovely people over at the ToV discord server that I'm in, I've got a decent grasp on their characters. Does it mean that I'm able to write down well? Debatable but I'm pretty happy with what I've written! Also I don't know much about the time and setting within the game, only that it's set post Baction so I kept things vague.
> 
> Once again, the lovely art piece accompanying this fic is done by desFraisesPartout! Please check out her art over at her [Tumblr!](https://desfraisespartout.tumblr.com/) It had certainly been one of the motivating factors that helped me finish this piece faster! I'm also grateful to the discord folks who helped me out with the language side of things and generally being supportive haha!
> 
> Anyway, I hope this would be an enjoyable read!

Raven woke up with a choked gasp, eyes snapping open and wildly flitting from one corner to the other of the unfamiliar ceiling. It seemed that his body was keen on pulling him under again from the lack of oxygen, with how insignificant each breath he took did in filling his lungs. It felt like sucking through a straw ~~maybe it's the ghostly fingers pressing down on his neck, familiar and calloused and authoritative, not letting air go past his larynx~~ on a particularly thick syrup. 

Why would he try to drink syrup with a straw in the first place? He'd answer if he had the breath to spare. 

Typically on most nights, the nightmares stayed buried in his consciousness after his abrupt awakening with only vague feelings of past horrors licking at the back of his mind. Tonight, Raven vividly recalled on the lifeless eyes of those he killed ~~and his own, staring back, _accusing_ ,~~ the dying screams of those who thought he was a hero ~~_Captain Schwann? Why are you doing this?_~~ , the dredges of confusing feelings that died like the people he slayed once it came time to report back because like a good puppet, he should _never_ question.

He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing a deep breath past his uncooperative throat and into his aching lungs. There was sweat on his brow and fire under his skin, burning him from the inside out. Yet his hands shook like an archer's worst nightmare, as if chilled like the ice in his gut. That mechanical monstrosity in his chest steadily beats on, the only regrettably calm thing in the storm within him. 

He squeezed in another breath. Usually on most nights, all he needed to do was sit very still, listening to Karol's loud snores, Yuri's light ones, Flynn's even breathing, Repede's snuffles. Focusing on the little sounds and vibrations to banish the dreams, sending them back to the abyss that he tried to ignore but present, _always present_ in the depths of his mind. 

But tonight was one of _those_ nights where the nightmares sank their claws in and dragged their way out of the darkness of his thoughts, gleefully entering reality on skinless fingers and the corpses left in his wake. 

With a grunt, he pushed himself up, the sweat soaked blanket falling off of his heaving chest. Twitching fingers curled around his blasted heart for a moment, squeezing in on the edges as if he wanted to dig in and rip it out. They relaxed in time with another raspy breath before he swung his shaky legs over the side of the bed to get up. 

He needed to get out of here. Needed the fresh air. 

From the corner of his eyes he saw the glint of blood-stained swords ~~Knight issued and he never liked them because they were too close too~~ _ ~~personal~~ _ and the empty grin of a cracked skull, shadows in the corners coalescing into something disfigured and hands made of the swirling abyss in his mind reaching out to drag him by the ankles, kicking and screaming into somewhere no light could reach.

Raven tried to evade one of those hands, banging his toes against Karol's bed in the process. He bit his bottom lip hard enough to bleed, the nausea that swirled lazily spiking, sour bile burning in the back of his throat. Karol snored on, unaware and that suited him just _fine_. 

Somehow, he got his fumbling hands on the door handle and wrenched it open. He cringed as the noise resounded through the corridor, so closed it behind him like a child sneaking out of their room.

He stumbled on the first couple of steps, gritting his teeth and ignoring how the corridor was soft and squishy and red under his bare feet, entrails scattered all about from the sliced open chest of a nameless mark. 

(No, they were never nameless but it was _easier_ to pretend they were).

" _Schwann,_ " it hissed past blue lips, rotted fingers trying to grasp at his ankle. 

Raven lurched out of its range, stumbling over his feet and barely caught himself on the windowsill. He took in another rattling breath, nearly heaving out the nice dinner that he had hours before. With a white knuckled grip on the wooden frame, he opened his shadowed eyes underneath the lux blastia. 

Momentarily, the shadows receded but they still chanted from outside the protective ring of light that the lamp provided. 

" _Schwann why did you do this? It's your fault, your fault, your fault, your FAULT, YOUR_ **FAULT** _\--_ "

It was moments like these that he craved for the familiar touch of a bottle, the taste of alcohol stinging his eyes and burning his tingling lips. Where he can just pretend that nothing mattered, drowning himself in his miserable concoction until he blacked out. 

But he was awake and can't pretend so he was fresh out of luck in dealing with the wispy hands inching towards his protective circle. 

He closed his eyes again, head hung with strands of black hair falling around his face in a decidedly Schwann like way. Pushing past the suffocating feeling in his chest was a sardonic laugh at how _pathetic_ he was. 

Captain Schwann was built on a bed of lies and corpses. Raven came from deception, a means of escape but never straying far from the hands of his owners. Alexei might be dead, the Don deader but they existed somewhere in his nightmares, out of sight but always _present_.

Raven slammed his eyes shut and tried not to think on the day the man he considered as a father figure willingly walked to the gallows, the words he wished to say -- _thankyousorrypleasedontgo_ \-- died on ashen lips. Desperately grappling to shut down his thoughts on how _broken_ he felt, allowing for Alexei's manipulation to sink into this fleshy prison, making him do something he would regret for the rest of his life. 

But that was the thing. Raven didn't think he _had_ a rest of his life. Didn't think he deserved to live when the ones who should have lived died anyway by his hand in some shape and form. 

He didn't know if he was grateful for the nameless ghosts who glared at him from the door slits to the ones just standing outside of his circle. A mess of flesh and blood, something that lived once before it got mauled. They were screaming curses and hurling insults, wailing on the unfairness that he was _alive_ and they were _dead_ and he wanted to scream back that _I know I want that too--!_

Raven thought he heard a faint keening sound when something landed on his shoulder, and it was when he whirled around with the belief that his nightmares had broken the boundaries of reality that he distantly thought it came from him. 

"... old man. Calm down." It was the voice that grasped his attention first. Even, calm, decidedly familiar and simultaneously different from the voices screaming for his demise. Wild blue eyes took in the covered chest, moving up past strong shoulders to a deceptively delicate face. Further up, he saw lips that were quirked in a frown, straight nose and then narrowed eyes that were assessing yet unaccusing, simply trying to figure out what to make of this mess he came across. 

Past his protective circle and the haze that slowly dissipated from his mind, Raven could almost pretend that the long strands of midnight hair was from a kind woman checking up on him as opposed to Yuri Lowell; leader, battle partner, friend(?) and ~~owner~~ the last person he'd want seeing him in this horrible state. 

In a detached sort of way, separate from the rise of panic at the back of his skull, Raven felt the tiniest of relief that it wasn't Karol or Flynn that decided to check up on his disappearance. He wouldn't know what to do when faced with the open concern that he didn't deserve, how to reply to the questions that he too didn't know the answers for.

When he had spent so long neatly sweeping up the broken pieces, tucking it in a box and hiding it underneath layers of masks and lies, how did one go about expressing thoughts and feelings in a way that didn't involve opening the writhing, desperate thing underneath his bed? 

But was Yuri any better? The kid already had plenty on his plate, having escaped the clutches of death weeks prior, only to come back with the knowledge that they were likely the only ones capable in stopping the end of the world placed squarely on his shoulders. Raven shouldn't be adding to his long list of worries just because his mind decided to freak out. Didn't want to cause any strife to this new relationship they've tentatively forged after his betrayal. 

When the silence stretched on and Yuri's brow got higher, Raven scrambled to put back on his torn mask. He made a silent promise to be more open and honest with these kids but he was nowhere near ready to talk about the fun little demons in his head. Even more so when he was caught with his metaphorical pants down. 

"What are ya doing being up at this time of night?" Raven surprised himself on how steady he kept his tone. He forced his lips to form a semblance of his 'shady old man smile' as the group put it, though the stiffness probably made it look more like a grimace. 

"You should make your escapes quieter if you don't want to wake anyone up, old man," Yuri explained with a shrug. 

Raven bit back a wince. Yuri doesn't mince his words so he should have expected it. Doesn't mean he liked having all of this getting pointed out at face value. And he could only assume that him attempting to sneak out in the middle of the night brought up suspicions that he could only blame himself for. 

"Yeah, well, the room was gettin' kinda stuffy so figured I'd pop out fer some fresh air." 

_Because the nightmares were too much and I had ta get out ta breathe_. 

Yuri had that look again, where he was figuring out whether to call him out on his crap or not. It took willpower he didn't know existed to keep his fake grin in place, facial muscles subtly twitching from the strain of it all. He _really_ hoped that Yuri would throw him a bone soon before his stress levels got any higher. 

At the very least, it kept him focused on Yuri and not at his demons, who seemed to have quieten or disappeared all together. Guess the kid's natural shine that had people flocking to him helped banish the darkness more effectively than the lux blastia did. 

Raven would be grateful if only Yuri said something already.

"C'mon. The world needs you right now. Are you just going to fall apart?"

_Ouch. Ya really know where ta hit a guy where it hurts, huh?_

A weak laugh burst out from his lips, a little manic in nature. "Now that ain't a nice thing ta accuse yer elders of. I'll have ya know that ol' Raven here's sturdier than stone."

Yuri snorted, loosely crossing his arms as he sent him a flat look. "You are so full of shit, old man."

"Just one'a my many charms, I'd say."

And they were back with the staring game. Raven found it a little easier to meet Yuri's assessing gaze now that he wrested back some level of control over his stupid mind. Some parts of him still flowed out like sand through the burst seams but he had his hands acting like a quick stop gap, trying desperately to keep everything from spilling out.

Raven didn't know he held his breath until he exhaled in time with Yuri's sigh. "Look, Flynn's probably better than me with this whole emotional crap but do you…" There was a distinct air of awkwardness hanging between them now. "...wanna talk about it?"

This time, the bark of laughter he quickly muffled sounded more genuine. Oh, he shouldn't find this funny but just the idea of him talking about his feelings to Yuri 'I'd rather suffer than talk about my emotions' Lowell was freaking _hilarious_. 

"Gee, thanks. See if that's the last time I try to be nice to you, old man." 

"Honestly?" Raven pulled himself together, his twitching smile felt much looser on his cheeks. "I'd trust ya ta watch my back in'a fight but talkin' 'bout my feelings ta ya? Yeah, lemme just spare both of us the pain right now."

Yuri glared at him yet he didn't try to deny that statement, knowing full well that his words rang true. Both of them were not equipped for that kind of conversation right now, not without having some sort of buffer at at least. 

Though, the simple fact that he offered sent the first tendrils of warmth he'd felt since waking up. 

Raven closed his eyes for a moment, taking in a subtle breath before exhaling. "Look. It ain't like I don't… appreciate ya comin' ta check on l'il ol' me. It was… was just'a nightmare." An understatement really but just admitting it left him more vulnerable than he liked. "I'll be fine."

Another beat of silence being picked apart under those sharp brown eyes. After what felt like an eternity, Yuri gave a little huff. "Alright old man. Keep your secrets."

Raven bit back a sigh of relief. "Gotta maintain that air of mystery and all. The ladies love that sorta thing."

"More like it'll keep them away because of the sketchiness." 

"Ouch. Anyone ever told ya that ya should think before ya speak?"

A shrug. "No one that I respect."

Their banter served its purpose of moving them back into safer grounds. Raven grasped the thrown lifeline to pull his head out of the water, sucking in the familiarity to clear his fogged up mind and breathe a little easier. His world became a little sharper, less off-kilter. The wispy things from the corner of his eye disappeared and the voices died out. 

Right now, it was just him and Yuri, engaged in a battle of wits that he was happy to lose.

Eventually, Yuri cracked a yawn, the call of sleep becoming harder to ignore now that the trouble had passed. Raven grinned a little cheekily. 

"Young'uns should get their sleep if they wanna grow big and strong."

"The elderly should too, lest they'd complain about how sleepy they are and get roasted by annoyed mages," Yuri snarked back.

He waved his hand flippantly. "I'll join ya later." Probably to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling till the first light of dawn. Raven rarely found himself capable of falling asleep after such night terrors. If he was lucky, he'd lightly doze and get a semblance of rest then. 

"Suit yourself. It's your ass that's getting crispy." Yuri shot him a warning look before he could make a joke from it. He then rubbed the back of his neck, eyes flickering sideways for a moment before his fist shot out to give Raven's shoulder a playful punch. 

Ow. Maybe it wasn't playful?

"Just… get some sleep soon. Don't make us pull your ass out of danger, 'kay old man?"

It meant that they would save him if something _did_ happen. Raven ignored the little gurgle of warmth to wave him off. "Yeah, yeah. I'd have preferred a less painful reminder but I get'cha. Now, off ta bed with ya." 

Yuri rolled his eyes once before he turned around and returned back to their room. 

Now that he was left alone once more, Raven leaned against the window frame, pressing the back of his head on the cool glass for a moment with his eyes closed. He took in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds before exhaling. 

Upon opening his eyes, it pretty much confirmed that he was the only one within the hallway now. The floor felt solid beneath his feet, cool with nothing squishy slipping between his toes. The walls were an off shade of white instead of greyish red. There were no nameless corpses strewn about that hissed the name of a dead man. His shadow stretched from underneath the lamp normally, no longer inky black and clumped together in some grotesque thing to drag him away from the light. 

It was just him and the steady pulse of his blasted heart while the rest of the world slept on. 

With one last exhale, Raven gingerly stepped away from his protective ring, finding that he could walk without things swiping at his ankles and that he didn't need to put a hand to the wall as support. He returned to the room, being extra careful in opening and closing the door this time around. 

For a moment, Raven simply stood there and took in the familiar sounds. Karol's snores greeted him, as does Flynn's even breathing and Repede's snuffles. Yuri laid in his bed, back turned away from him and he would have fooled him into believing that he'd fallen asleep had it not been from the slight twitch when Raven sat down on his own bed. 

"Thanks," he uttered quietly, wondering if Yuri heard him or not. Regardless, he set aside his blanket to shimmy back into bed, grimacing slightly from the dampness. There was nothing that he could do except to try and ignore it. 

Hopefully, he could do the same with the vestiges of his nightmare and get some sleep. As much as he resigned himself with the belief that he wouldn't catch a wink, he'd give it a good try at least since he owed it to Yuri and the rest to be up for another day of adventuring later.

He wouldn't want them to have to pull his ass out of danger now, would he? 

**Author's Note:**

> I suppose the old man has suffered enough for now. I'll work on some softer, fluffier things with him in my next writing project. It's time he got some happiness thrown his way!
> 
> Thank you very much for reading this!


End file.
